


Sober

by RyTheMusicAddict



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 | Choi Luciel's Route, Deep Route Spoilers (Mystic Messenger), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Mint Eye, Reader is Main Character (Mystic Messenger), Recovery, She/Her Pronouns for Main Character (Mystic Messenger), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24901669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyTheMusicAddict/pseuds/RyTheMusicAddict
Summary: In which you had been kidnapped and inducted into Mint Eye, and remained for over a year, until you were rescued by the RFA and Luciel attempts to bring you back to who you were.-------------------------This is my first fic, I hope you enjoy!
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel & Main Character, 707 | Choi Luciel & Reader, 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character, 707 | Choi Luciel/Reader
Comments: 19
Kudos: 289





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You had been kidnapped on day 7 on Seven's route, so there was a little bit of a connection between you and Luciel before being inducted.

Your head spins, your heartbeat pounds in your ears, your body feels heavy, and a bitter taste sits in the back of your mouth. You blink your eyes open and find yourself lying on a couch staring at the ceiling. You squint and lift your head, which immediately pounds in response. You groan and let it fall back on a cushion.

“Oh, you’re finally awake.” A female voice rang in your right ear and you felt your whole body buzz. You felt drugged; you had a striking headache, you felt paralyzed, your stomach felt like it was twisting and turning, almost like you were going to vomit, your eyes couldn’t focus, and you couldn’t feel your limbs.

“Stay still, the elixir always hits hard the first time. Do you remember drinking it? Saeran said you fainted on your own.”

Was she talking to you? You furrowed your brows and slowly shook your head no, feeling your body buzz and pulse as you moved in the slightest.

“I see. Now, you’re not going to like this process, but the faster you comply, the faster it’ll be over. We need to cleanse your mind.”

“Ugh…” You blink and try to look at where the voice was coming from, but your body refuses to listen to your command.

“You’re in Magenta. I’m sure Saeran told you? You’re in paradise. Everyone is happy here.”

“Se… Seven…” You slowly formed his name.

“Luciel? You may as well forget about him now. He tried to corrupt you.”

“No…” You managed to cough up a word in an instant at this woman’s comment. You did have conflicting emotions about Luciel and his dedication to keeping you safe, but you knew for sure that he would never go out of his way to hurt you.

“You’ve been invited to paradise, where everybody is happy.” _What is this, some kind of cult?_ “In order to fully join, though, you need to go through the ceremony. You need to be cleansed of your sin and your false faith.”

_Yep, definitely a cult._

“I won’t be brainwashed,” is what you _tried_ to say, but instead you slurred over your words. Your tongue felt too big for your mouth, so you ended up saying “I won’t…” before giving up, and even that was barely coherent.

“Don’t try to talk.” The woman demanded. “I don’t want to hear another sound from you for the time being, it’s giving me a headache. Saeran!” The woman shouted suddenly. Your body pulsed in pain in response to the noise.

“Yes, my savior?” You heard a man’s voice that you can vaguely recall.

“Look after her for now. Take her to the room you’ve prepared when she can walk.”

“Is that really safe when she’s going to be under the effects of the elixir? Shouldn’t we keep her here in the basement until we know how she reacts while she’s fully responsive?”

“Saeran…”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” It felt like your head was underwater. The words spoken by the two people you couldn’t see gradually became less coherent, and the world around you began to fade away into darkness.

One year, four months, two weeks, and six days.

You kept track of all of this time, which was hard since your mind seemed to be clouded by the elixir which you once resisted, but now couldn’t go a few hours without.

You told yourself you would never succumb to the brainwashing. Eventually, however, after being constantly given the elixir and getting over the side effects, your mind was so foggy that you began to lose sight of who you were.

They told you that you would never be allowed into paradise unless you did as you were told. So, you did what you were told. You thought what you were told. You believed what you were told. You said what you were told. You were who you were told to be.

You’ve never been happier. High on the elixir, obedient, looking forward to paradise at the end of the tunnel even though you had gone through a traumatizing, rigorous procedure to rid yourself of impurities. It was worth it in your eyes, and- _where's another bottle?_

It took quite a while to get used to the figure in the mirror. Your cheeks and eye sockets had been sunken in from a result of malnutrition - the drugs make you lose your appetite.

Your hair was frail, thin, and brittle, your collarbone was prominent, your hands and wrists were bony and thin, and you were just a hell of a lot lighter overall. Not that they didn’t feed you enough; you just didn’t feel like eating 4 out of 5 times.

Out of everything, though, your eyes had changed the most. What were once bright, sparkling eyes that held happiness, life, and hope had turned empty, flat, lifeless mint green. Because of insomnia, heavy under-eye circles claimed a space of their own. You couldn’t find any scrap of emotion, feeling, energy, _life..._

But this is happiness, right? You were always told that this was happiness.

 _But why doesn't it_ feel _right?_

“How dare you? You know what they're like, you shouldn’t ever try to become one of them again! You're happy here, remember? You don't belong out there, nobody will accept you.” The savior scolded you. Her voice was calm and smooth, but her words seemed cold and disapproving. You hang your head in shame. “Disciples!” she called and snapped her fingers, and you were ushered to the basement.

Because of how long you had been there at Magenta, you should have known the consequences of trying to communicate with the outside world if you weren't in position to do so. You tried to log into the RFA chat room again, and you had definitely caused an uproar within the members; they thought you had been dead all this time. The disciples constantly reminded you that you had just exposed the location of Magenta, that you put the whole of Mint Eye in danger.

They showed no mercy. They chained you up, kicked and punched you, drugged you with the strongest batch of elixir yet, starved you for days, knocked you out several times just to torment you even more, when you woke up, taunted you and made you repeat the same mantras over and over that are now burned into your mind: _"I'm a weak disgrace who doesn't deserve paradise."_


	2. Chapter 2

“Please… please…” You heard a shaky voice that you hadn’t heard in who knows how long. You immediately noticed how cold you felt before you even knew where you were. Maybe you were back in the basement. Maybe you were about to be punished again for allowing yourself to be tainted. You shivered and blinked your eyes open, and your heart sank when you saw who had been talking. His golden eyes are glassy with tears and his vermillion hair is unkempt. He’s staring down at his hands, which you had only just noticed contained your right hand clasped in his. You squint and yank your hand away, not wanting anything to do with the man who broke promises of your safety. He whips his head up and stares at you.

“Oh my god…” His brows furrowed as he stared into your mint eyes. You shivered once again and scooted away from him, just now noticing that you were sitting on a bed. You moved to the center of the bed and curled your knees up to your chest, never breaking eye contact, because who knows what he might do to you if you let him out of your sight?

“What did they do to you…?” You hear him quietly mumble. You huff and wrap your arms around your knees, trying desperately to warm up. “Are you cold? Here,” He takes off his jacket and stands up, making you flinch. He leans over the bed and drapes it around your tiny frame before sitting back down on the chair. It was incredibly warm, whether it was from the thick material or his residual body heat, but it was bittersweet. You didn’t want his pity, you wanted to prove you could take care of yourself. You reach up and grab the shoulder of the jacket before tugging it off of your back and throwing it across the room, watching as it hit the wall and dropped to the floor with a pathetic thud. You look around the room for an exit, and your eyes land on a closed door. You shakily get up off of the bed and run to the door, jerking the handle open and sprinting out.

“I’m sorry, you won’t be able to leave,” Luciel called after you before coming out of the room behind you. "The door is secured with voice recognition." You turn around and shoot him an angry look before finding a corner and sitting down. The pitiful expression on his face pissed you off and you wished you could cower even more as he sat a few feet in front of you.

“I’m so sorry. It took so long to find you because the area was so remote, I've been searching this entire time. What did they do to you?” He stared into your eyes. You only glared in response. He was supposed to keep you safe, he promised, and he broke that promise. You thought you were going to die there with all of the drugs you were given and how little you were eating and sleeping. You were scared for your life, he was supposed to protect you. And he failed. You felt so fragile that you knew you were going to break down in tears if you spoke, so you stayed silent.

“I know you’re mad at me. I know you probably want to kill me if given the chance,” _Correct._ “But please, let me take care of you. You’re so malnourished, let me take care of you. You’re all I have left, please. I wasn’t able to save him, but I hope I can save you.” _Save,_ you thought in odium, you’ve heard it all too much. It’s lost its meaning. It just seems like an empty word now, with no backbone to it. He reached his hand out toward you to touch your knee, but you quickly recoiled and smacked his hand. You can’t trust him, they told you that he never cared for you. He’s only doing it to lure you in and hurt you, they said.

“I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked and you saw him shed a tear, but it only disgusted you. How _dare_ he? He stood up and walked into another room where you couldn’t see him. You heard shuffling before he came back out about 10 minutes later, holding a steaming bowl in his hands. You were slightly curious, but you pushed the thought out of your head and curled up into a quivering mess. He approached you, much to your discomfort, and set the bowl down in front of you on the floor. You glanced at it and saw stir-fry noodles. Luciel entered the bedroom again and came out holding a folded blanket, which he also placed next to you.

_I’m not a dog._ You think to yourself. As you stared at the bowl of food in front of you, your stomach growled and a pain shot through your torso, one that you hadn’t felt in over a year. You were actively hungry again.

“I’m sorry I don’t have an extra bedroom.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at his feet. “I’ll sleep on the couch. For the time being, help yourself to the bed.” When you only stared at him with a blank expression without moving, he sighed. “I know you’re mad at me, but just to make sure you’re able to, can you please talk to me? Just say anything, please.” He crouched down in front of you once again.

“Anything.” In order to get him to back off, you spat the word at him. It was the first time you had spoken since you were tortured who-knows-how-long-ago, which meant your voice was hoarse and shaky. Still, Luciel lit up when you spoke the one hostile and bitter word that you did. He shook his head as if he was dismissing a thought and sat down fully in front of you. He stared in silence at you until you finally looked up and met his eyes. You glared at him with the most hostile look you could manage in your weak, frail state. You won’t allow him to become close to you, you don’t want to feel pain. Your stomach growled again as you caught another waft of the stir-fry noodles.

“Please eat, I can tell it’s been weeks since your last proper meal. They weren’t feeding you, were they?”

“You don’t deserve to know.” You snapped at him without thinking. You pushed the bowl of food away from you with your foot and grunted at how much effort it took to reach out and push the small object. Luciel moved his hand and effortlessly picked up the dish again, holding it in front of him. You hated how easy it was for him; it felt like you were using your whole body’s energy every time you took a breath.

“Eat,” Luciel said in a slightly more firm tone. You wrinkled your nose and tried to pretend like you weren’t desperately fighting the urge to bury your face in the burning hot noodles and eat, but your consistent glancing at the bowl gave your internal thoughts away to him.

“Go away.” You tried to curl up even tighter than you were already, but you ended up expending yourself and falling limp. With a defeated sigh, you yanked the bowl away from Luciel and took a small bite, but a force overwhelmed you once the fork hit your mouth and you weren’t able to stop yourself from eating the whole meal. Luciel watched you from two feet away with a satisfied smile on his face, which pissed you off. _I don’t need your pity. I’m eating because I want to, not because you told me to. I don’t need you._

Your stomach felt full, which felt wonderful. Luciel won’t win you over like this, though. He never will, you would never get close to another person.

“How is your body feeling? Are you still in pain?” Luciel broke the silence. You looked up at him while holding your thin legs. You shook your head slowly. “That’s a relief. You were so beaten up when we found you, you still have a black eye. They wouldn’t admit what they did to you. You were chained to the wall by your wrists and neck, you were suffering from severe malnutrition, and we found a plethora of drugs in your system.”

You felt your eyelids become heavy and you stood up to move to the bed that he offered, just for a taste of what you had back at Magenta. The moment you got up on your feet, though, your blood pressure plummeted, the world went dark and you felt yourself begin to fall, but you landed in Luciel’s arms. It took you a moment to regain your senses, and once you did, you aggressively pushed him away from you and squared your shoulders.

“Don’t touch me! Just because I ate from your filthy hands doesn’t mean you get to treat me as an equal! You’re a goddamn disgrace!” You couldn’t help yourself from throwing profanities at him in the loudest voice you could muster. “Let me go back! Let me go back! Tell me this is a bad dream!” You clutched your head in your hands. You could feel Luciel’s pitying gaze trained on your small body, and you wanted to desperately hit him if you had the strength. “I want to go back!”

“Why do you want to go back?” His voice sounded like it was surrounding you from all sides. “You were tortured and starved.”

“No! I was only being punished for my actions! I logged into your stupid chatroom and because of me, I revealed the location to you and you kidnapped me away from my home! I destroyed everything she worked so hard to build! It’s my fault!” _I deserve to die. I deserve to die. I’m not where I need to be. I need to get out._ Another voice took over in your head and you violently trembled. You couldn’t escape his bunker, but you could escape this life. It was the only thing you could control, after all.

It felt like another being filled with deseperation had taken over your body and forced you to run over and grab a glass on the coffee table and smash it against the ground. You heard his voice calling out to you from miles away, but you wouldn’t let yourself get distracted for a second. You needed to get out; you were told that you worthless anywhere outside Mint Eye. You picked up a large shard of broken glass and raked it down your forearm, fascinated and almost hypnotized at the exposed tendons, muscle, fat, and how much blood started filling in the wound and pouring out in so little time. You didn’t feel pain; it was an out-of-body sensation.

“No!” Luciel smacked the glass out of your hand and grabbed your bleeding forearm. You tried to struggle away from him, but he had been eating and staying healthy all this time while you had only just eaten for the first time in days, so your strength was no match for him. He turned his head and screamed a name that you had never heard before. His strong hands held the gaping wound shut, while you still stared at the blood that was quickly covering his hands and dripping onto the floor. You rapidly felt faint and would have fallen back if not for his grip.

A taller man with long brown hair briefly stepped into the room, muttering under his breath, but he loudly cursed upon seeing the situation. You felt another surge of anger rush through your veins and you lifted up your opposite leg and firmly pressed your heel into the middle of Luciel’s stomach, causing him to instinctively let one of his hands go to clutch his injury. With the assistance of the blood, you slid your arm out from his other hand and raced to grab the glass while you could. _I need to die, I need to die, I need to die_ , you chanted in your head. You had barely gotten your fingertips on the shard when another set of hands gripped your elbows from behind you, yanking your hands behind your back. These hands seemed stronger than Luciel’s, and you could see him in front of you, so you knew it wasn’t him. You felt a strong push on the side of your neck and you instinctively relaxed.

“I’m gonna need to knock her out,” A deep voice rumbled before the room faded away.


	3. Chapter 3

You woke up on a couch. Your vision was blurry and your mouth was dry. This situation seemed familiar to you, but this time you remembered where you were. Your arm felt sore but you didn’t bother moving; you simply stared at the ceiling. You heard shuffling around you, but you didn’t feel the need to bring attention to yourself. You quietly listened to their speech.

“...insane, she can’t stay.” The deeper voice.

“I’m not giving up on her.” Luciel’s voice.

“So you’re just going to let her stay here? She’ll try to murder us.”

“I doubt it. We both have self-defense training and let’s be honest, she’s weak in her current state. She can’t do much.”

“I’m staying away from her. Medical shit is all I'm willing to do.”

“That’s fine. It could probably be overwhelming for her to interact with multiple people after what she’s been through. Which is another reason I don’t want to admit her.”

“Fine. She’s been awake, by the way.”

_!!! _

You heard footsteps walk away, and Luciel’s voice mumbled your name. You lifted your head and glared. It was really all you could do, apparently. He thought you were weak. 

“We’re so lucky to have Vanderwood.” He squatted beside you and tried putting his hand on your arm, but you yanked it away. 

“Go away.” You spoke through clenched teeth.

“No.” Luciel’s golden eyes stared at you, not quite angry but definitely not warm. “I’m not leaving you alone. Not after that.” He firmly shook his head. You sighed and sat up, looking around for a drink to sate your thirst. Luciel seemed to know exactly what you needed, and he offered a cup--plastic, you noted--of ice water. You hastily took it from his hand, disgusted that your fingers brushed his, and gulped the water down like you were born to do it. You shoved the cup into his chest and caught a glimpse of your arm, several stitches down the same cut that you had inflicted on yourself. Dried blood still coated the edges and a bit of bruising was forming around the sutures.  _ Was it that bad? _

Luciel sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the couch, and pulled his phone out. His curly hair was brushing your elbow, and you recoiled and shuffled to the other side of the couch. You saw Luciel glance at you and shrug before looking back at his phone. You crossed your arms and stared at his phone, which appeared to be displaying the RFA chatroom. Chat bubbles appeared quickly and he was just as quick at typing. You wanted to know what he was saying, but you didn’t dare ask. He didn’t deserve your attention. 

Sitting in the silence gave your mind an opportunity to let loose.

You wondered what they were talking about. How they were interacting with each other. You tried to imagine how the members would act if put in this situation, and that situation, and you tried to think back to when you chatted with them before going to paradise. How naive, you thought. So naive to just believe what the RFA wanted you to believe. They claimed to be good people, but they were hypocrites. They had personalities that were flawed.

Personality. That word stuck in your mind more than anything else, and you couldn’t dissect it without feeling unsatisfied. What was it about this word that irked you so badly? You repeated the word in your mind to try to find meaning between the syllables.

“Personality?” Luciel’s head perks up and he stares at you. You flinched as his eyes burned into you. Did he read your mind, or were you voicing your thoughts without realizing it? How much had you said…?

“If you want to talk to someone, I’m listening.” He stated with a hint of hope in his voice. You scowled.

“Never.” Your voice cracked, causing you to punch yourself internally. Why did you feel stinging in your eyes? Why did you feel a lump in your throat?  _ Weak, I’m not allowed to cry. I’m strong, not weak. I’m not weak. He’ll hurt me if I cry.  _

Your thoughts reverted back to  _ personality.  _ You tried to think of the members’ personalities from what you remember about those hypocrites. Luciel seemed caring, but he betrayed you. Jumin seemed cold, and he was probably the least hypocritical because he didn’t feed lies and false hope. Zen was so self-absorbed and it was obvious he cared more about himself than anyone else. Jaehee was so cold like Jumin but she seemed foolish and unprofessional at times, leading an inconsistent life. Yoosung was-

That’s when it hit you. You could use words to describe them and their character. When you reflected back on yourself, you couldn’t think of a single word. You were so trained to listen to what your superiors fed you that you forgot how to think for yourself. 

That’s when the tears fell. 

“I don’t have a personality anymore.” You hear yourself speak out loud, but at this point, you are too deep to stop. More tears. “I can’t… I don’t deserve to think for myself. I can’t think about myself. I don't know myself. Who am I? Who was I? Who  _ am _ I?” You clutched your pounding head and nearly shouted between choking sobs.

You thought you heard something moving around in front of you but you couldn’t move. You felt pressure around you, squeezing you like walls, but you couldn’t feel anything touching you. You started hyperventilating, your heart rate sped up, you started sweating, your mouth dried up. You were dizzy and it felt like your body was spinning as flashbacks of the cleansing came crashing back onto you. You opened your eyes but still saw and felt the cold cement of the basement.

_ I’m back? _

“I’m sorry, Savior. I’m sorry. I’ll never go against you again. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Hurt me. I deserve it.” You curled up into a ball in fear. Her hand reached out and touched your shoulder, and you vividly felt her touch, so you threw yourself into her warm embrace, begging for forgiveness hidden within your muffled cries. 

“You’re okay.” You felt like her voice was across the world. It didn’t sound the same as you had once remembered.

“No, I’m not, I’m going against my faith, I’m dreaming about something bad, I’m not loyal enough. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You sobbed into her robes, feeling disgusted with yourself for acting so hysterical in front of Savior, but your emotions got the better of you. You felt even worse because you were thinking for yourself, one of the worst things you could do.

“You’re okay, you’re okay.” The voice shushed. You gripped her hood-- hood? Her robes didn’t have a hood. Your eyes snapped open and you were back in the bunker with Luciel, and he was the one embracing you, not Savior. You tensed every muscle in your body, ignoring the fatigue, and shoved him away, knocking him down on his back. You stood up on the couch cushion and jumped over it around the back of the sofa. 

“No! No, this isn’t real! None of this is real! I’m dreaming! What did you give me?! What was in that water?!” You pointed a pale finger at Luciel, who was getting back up on his feet. You could see a wet patch on his shoulder that you had been crying onto.

“You drugged me, didn’t you?! What did you give me?!” You screamed so loud it felt like your throat was going to burst.

“You’re okay, I didn’t do anything,” Luciel tried putting his hands up to calm you. You stumbled back until your back hit a wall and you slid down to the floor. Your feet shuffled on the floor as if to get even further away to Luciel, who was slowly approaching you. 

“Liar! I was there! I know it! You took me back! How did I get there?! You dragged me away from paradise! You tricked me into touching you! You’re disgusting!” You cursed at him and raised your voice more the closer he got to you. He sat down on the floor about 6 feet away from you. You gripped fistfuls of your hair in agony, hoping to drown the mental pain with physical.

“I don’t need you. I want to kill you. I want to go back. I was happy. You ruined me!” You spat at him and scooted along the wall to get further away until you hit a corner. “You gave me false hope. You’re torturing me. You can never be her! You can never make me happy!” You saw Luciel’s face twist with pain. You didn’t know what to believe.

“What’s real?” Your shoulders dropped and your thin hands hit the floor. Everything you saw seemed so vivid;  _ everything.  _ You desperately hoped that the vision during the panic was the real world, but every second you spent in the bunker proved that theory to be more and more false. “None of this can be real.” Your muscles relax from fatigue and you fall forward, resting your head on your forearms. You coughed and sobbed harder than you ever had before. Not knowing what to believe threw you for a loop.

Luciel spoke your voice and your body flinched in response. He’s going to betray you again; you knew it, that’s what Savior proved time and time again. He’s going to hurt you when he gets close. The crying took all of your energy out of you, much to your displeasure, so you couldn’t move away from the impending torture. You braced yourself for the pain…

...But it never came.

A warm fabric was placed on your back that practically covered your entire frail body. You felt Luciel drape his arms around you, and you couldn’t move or even talk to protest. His warmth and scent were admittedly pleasant, but you hated it. You hated the pity so much. You didn’t need pity; you were strong. You shut your eyes and sighed.

After an unknown amount of time, Luciel’s warmth moved and he seemed to scoot his arms underneath you, and you still only had the energy to breathe. He flipped you over to carry you and you were still braced for the pain, even though you were starting to think that he wasn’t going to hurt you. But Savior said that everyone would hate you… Was the Savior… wrong?

Luciel carried your thin body with ease. Your head moved to rest against his shoulder, and you could vaguely hear his heartbeat. You could still feel your face stiff with dried tears and your eyes drifted shut. His warmth was oddly relaxing.

He softly set you down on the same bed you woke up on the first time you arrived. Were you going back? You felt his weight come down onto the mattress next to you. 

“You’ll hurt me.” You softly spoke. He moved into a position that let your head fall onto his shoulder again. You tried to move, but your body refused to respond to your commands.

“No,” he whispered, sending shivers down your spine, “I would never hurt you.”

“But they said-”

“They’re wrong. I’ll explain later, you’re tired right now.” He covered your arms with the cloth, which you figured out to be the same jacket he wore every day.

“How do you know if I’m tired?” Your voice was raspy from crying.

“You’re not fighting back.”

“But I-” You stopped yourself, hating that you proved him right. You huffed and tried to pull away from him, but you barely had the energy to even move your weight. He helped you move your head to the pillow.

“I’ll be here while you sleep.”

“Leave me alone.”

“You know I can’t do that right now.” Luciel’s finger traced your stitches, making you flinch back.

“Don’t hurt me!” It sounded less aggressive than you meant, more coming out like a pathetic plea.

“I won’t. I’m sorry.” He immediately backed off. Sleep quickly took hold of you.

It was the most comfortable you’d been in so long. Since before you’d been at Mint Eye.


	4. Chapter 4

Your tiny sleeping figure made Luciel’s heart burn with guilt. You were once a bright, kind, caring, humorous girl who would walk across hot coals to help anyone, but now your cold eyes only saw hatred. He could understand, though; you felt hurt from the trauma that was inflicted. You wanted to keep yourself safe, and he was trying his best to show you that he was trying to help, but he knew it would take you time. You were so thin, pale, and your dark eye circles proved your lack of sleep. Why you were in such a bad state, he wouldn’t know for a while, if at all. 

His phone buzzed and he quickly took it out of his jeans pocket to stop it, not wanting to interrupt your obviously needed sleep. The chat room was buzzing; everyone but V was in the chatroom begging for Luciel to update on your condition. He was glad V wasn’t present; he allowed you to be kidnapped and tortured for sixteen months, and when he finally did find and rescue you, V was there in the same building. Even if he hadn’t played a part in your disappearance and mistreatment, he still was clearly aware that you were there and did nothing to help, instead prioritised his precious secrets over your safety and wellbeing. Even thinking about V left a bad taste in Luciel’s mouth. The other four members begged Luciel for information on your condition, and he took his time crafting his answer.

“ _ She’s sleeping right next to me right now, she had a panic attack and a flashback earlier which wore her out. She’s been passed out for about 4 hours. She seems to be too tired to fight against me, which is good. I was able to get her into my bed so she had somewhere comfortable to rest. Vanderwood gave her stitches on her arm, I’m not leaving her alone. I can’t let her hurt herself again. She got scared when I touched her sutures, it must have hurt her.. _ ”

He hoped that was enough of an update for the members, but not enough for Zen, apparently, who said: “ _ How is she looking? _ ”

“ _ She is so tiny. She’s practically a skeleton. She was obviously not fed nearly enough there, I can’t tell if she decided to starve herself or if they just deprived her, and I’m sure she won’t tell me right now. I got her to eat noodles earlier though. She is so weak as well, it hurts so much. She had difficulty lifting the bowl to eat. She’s cold, too, shivering. I gave her my jacket and a blanket and she seems fine for the time being. _ ”

“ _ Assistant Kang, did anyone find out any information on the whereabouts of the rest of them? _ ” Jumin typed out.

“ _ They’re still looking for them. It seems the building exploded, though, so not much evidence can be collected there. We don’t know if anyone was in the building at the time of the explosion. _ ” Jaehee responded.

“ _ Are her eyes mint? I heard everyone there had mint-colored eyes because of that drug. _ ” Zen asked.

“ _ Yes, _ ” Luciel responded. “ _ Oh, she’s stirring, I should get back to her. I’ll come back later. _ ” 

You stretched and opened your eyes, blinking to take in your surroundings. You saw Luciel’s figure sitting up next to you, and you instinctively scooted quickly away. It was the second day in the bunker, and you still felt just as trapped.

You felt pain in your heart when you looked at him. He was trying to lure you in so that he could hurt you, it’s what the Savior proved to you time and time again. You squinted and jumped off of the bed away from him. You stood with your back against the wall, facing him. You couldn’t let him out of your sight. Your peripheral vision faded away until all you could see was him. His scruffy red hair and his lively amber eyes caught all of your attention. His facial features looked exactly like Saeran’s, which made you hate him even more. It was almost like he was impersonating someone you were comfortable with in order to manipulate you further. 

Another pounding headache began to encompass you. Chills ran down your spine and you began trembling and shivering despite your efforts to stay still. A pang of nausea attacked your stomach. Withdrawal? Sickness? You couldn’t tell.

You carefully walked to the door, never taking your unblinking eyes off of the figure who was now standing up next to the bed. You turned the handle and backed out of the room. To your dismay, he followed you and you sped up. You ended up bumping your hip into a chair and you fell back onto the floor. Luciel rushed to your side and squatted next to you.  _ He’ll hurt me.  _ Your palm made solid contact with his cheek, and he flinched and backed away. You furrowed your eyebrows and raised your hand up again as a threat, trying to communicate  _ ‘Don’t come any closer.’ _ He seemed to understand the message and he put about 5 feet of space between you two.

Luciel’s eyes seemed to light up as if he remembered something, and he called for the man who knocked you out the day before. When he entered the room, few, quiet words were exchanged and Luciel left, leaving the brown-haired man in his place. He stood on guard, treating you like an unpredictable, feral animal. You stood up, noting his change in stance, and walked away to the same corner you first cowered in, seeing that the blanket was still there. You curled up with your knees to your chest and your arms holding your position. Luciel came back into the room shortly after, dismissing the man and carefully approaching you. You mustered the strength to form the most aggressive look you could, but you felt that he could never take you seriously again after crumbling you down to such a vulnerable state the day earlier.

Luciel was carrying a load of items, so much that it seemed like he was barely containing them in his arms, along with a gift bag hanging from one of his wrists. You watched as he sat across from you, keeping a respectable distance, and slowly started placing the items down one-by-one while explaining why he was bringing them.

“The members sent you gifts. I checked over them, nothing can hurt you. They have no ill intent.” You heard his sugar-coated words and immediately linked them to the lies he had told before due to the same silky delivery of the words, and your trust in him dropped. He placed a small teddy bear in front of you after pulling it out of the gift bag.

“Jaehee wanted you to be able to hold something soft, she dropped this off for you.” You stared at the bear, carefully taking in its features: light brown fur that looked incredibly soft, pink accents on the paws and ears, a small dark brown nose, and two beady eyes that were nearly fully covered by the fur.

“She had a hard time knowing your sizes, but she also sent some clothes. Surely you’re not comfortable staying in the same outfit from there. Let me know if they’re too big or small, I’ll tell her.”  _ As if they’d be too small. _ He pulled out and placed a few shirts, hoodies, sweatpants, leggings, and a bundle of socks next to the bear. You kept your body stiff, not wanting to show him that you were comfortable. You didn’t want to let your guard down.

“Yoosung got you a puzzle cube and some magnets to play with.” He placed a couple of small boxes with vivid colors and shapes printed on them.  _ Why? Why do they still care? _

“Jumin gave you a few books to read,” Luciel put the now-empty gift bag down behind him and placed the books, about 6 or 7, from his arms down on the floor. You hid the lower half of your face behind your knees. Your back ached from holding this position, but you barely cared.

“Zen gave you another blanket to keep you warm, I told them that you’re cold often. It’s quite fluffy and soft.” He stretched his arm over the items and put the blue blanket closer to you, making you pull back as if it would kill you if touched.

“And… I’m sure you don’t want this from me, but…” Luciel pulled a tiny box from his pocket out and presented it to you. You stayed frozen in place. Realizing that you wouldn’t move, he opened it for you, revealing a sparkling silver necklace in the shape of a tiny spaceship, with golden accents lining the design. It was admittedly breathtaking. “I got this for you about a week after you first entered the chatroom, and I meant to give it to you at the party, but I never got the chance to.” He gently put the box down next to the blanket and pulled another item from his pocket.

Your phone.

Without thinking, you lunged forward and yanked it out of his hand, swiftly returning to your curled up position against the walls. Luciel seemed to stifle a chuckle, and you shot him an unfriendly look. How  _ dare _ he laugh at you?

“I know you’re not going to like hearing this, but I cut off your access to everyone in the Mint Eye.” He looked down in shame, rightfully so. You reach out with your foot and land a firm kick on his calf, making him flinch and grab it in response. “I deserve that.” 

Is he really not going to retaliate? Is this fight going to be one-sided? Of course, he wouldn’t fight back if he’s trying to gain your reliance. He’s isolating you from the ones you trust. He’s trying to hurt you; they engraved that in your mind.  _ “Everyone outside the Mint Eye will hurt us,” _ they had said several times,  _ “We don’t belong with them.” _

“I’ve also got a charger here in case you need it.” He offered a cord. You simply stare and he sets it down next to the rest of the gifts. “We really care about you.” He put on a sad smile which made your blood boil. 

You stayed frozen in place for a few moments, waiting for him to back off. You don’t want pity; you wanted to go back. But of course, the small flame of hope you held was blown out with the one sentence he spoke. You turned your phone on and started searching, and sure enough, all contacts to the other believers and the Savior were deleted and corrupted. 

Luciel stood up and walked away to the couch, giving you space but also staying in the room, presumably to keep an eye on you. You felt lost and empty without the happiness fed to you through your superiors. Thinking for yourself and giving yourself any form of pleasure was looked down upon, and now you had no idea how to. Without being told what to do, you had no purpose, you felt. What was the reason he was keeping you here? 

_ Just let me go… _

After fiddling with your phone for a while, you curiously opened the RFA messenger app, ignoring the fluttering fear filling your abdomen. How would they react upon seeing you enter the chatroom? You remember them freaking out and asking tons of unanswerable questions when you logged in at Magenta. Would the same thing happen?

You saw that only two people were in the chatroom: Jaehee and Zen. You quickly vowed to yourself not to say much, you didn’t want to give away any information that they could use against you to hurt you. You took a deep, shaky breath and entered the chatroom.

_ “?!?!” _ You were almost immediately greeted by Zen spamming a few punctuation marks.  _ What a lovely way to greet me,  _ you rolled your eyes.

Jaehee was slightly more tolerable, typing out  _ “Are you doing okay?” _

_ “Oh right;; Are you okay?” _

You curled your lip in annoyance. Not that they could see your face, but surely your silence spoke volumes. Or maybe they thought that you just opened it by accident. In either case, you couldn’t care less. How dare they be so pathetic? They weren’t even searching for you when you felt on the edge of death. You could have been easy to reach, surely. Why didn’t they try? Why did it take you proving that you were alive for them to even attempt to find you?

_ “No thanks to you guys.”  _ You bitterly sent the message. Being immature, Zen sent his shocked emoji in response. You rolled your eyes again.

_ “We didn’t mean to upset you…”  _ Jaehee said. 

_ “Well, you did.” _ You sent one more aggressive message before angrily leaving the chatroom and angrily turning your phone off, placing it next to you on the blanket. While you only briefly touched the blanket, you were caught off guard by how soft it was. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to use what was given to you, as long as you didn’t let your guard down and let them get into your head.

Trying to be quiet so that Luciel didn’t hear you and get curious, you cautiously leaned over and dragged the pile of clothes closer to you. The outfit that you’ve been wearing for what felt like a week was starting to make you feel like garbage, more than you did before. A pang of hunger shot through your body and you tried to ignore it for now.

You sorted through the clothes and decided on a dark brown sweatshirt, grey sweatpants, and a pair of fluffy purple socks. You didn’t care if it was matching or not, but you just wanted to feel clean.

It took what felt like forever to quietly slide out of your dirty outfit and into the new clothes without alerting Luciel on the couch. It was easy to avoid his gaze since the couch was facing the opposite way, but you didn’t want to risk him hearing you and looking over to see you taking what was given to you. Of course, he would find out eventually, but you felt better knowing that you were able to do something without him knowing. It provided a sense of control, which felt robbed from you the moment that man gave the stitches to keep you on this Earth.

Jaehee seemed to have a general idea of how small you were, but the clothes were still about a size too big. The sweatshirt hung loosely around your bony shoulders and arms. You were surprised to discover that you could fit your thumb and middle finger around your wrist and have the two overlap each other. Sure, you were thinner than you used to be, but this was borderline dangerous, wasn’t it?

You felt comfortable in new, clean clothes. It was obvious that these weren’t just Jaehee’s extra clothes that she didn’t wear anymore, they were new. She went out and bought them for you.

Did she really care? Or was this just a selfish ploy?

You sat with your legs crossed and your back leaning against the wall when your stomach growled quite loudly, and you were surprised that Luciel wasn’t aware. Was he going to care? Or were you going to have to tell him?

No. You didn’t need him. You didn’t need to rely on someone who wasn’t your superior. He wasn’t better than you, he wasn’t even equal, you felt. They told you that he betrayed you. They told you that he was irresponsible. They told you that he couldn’t be trusted, that he would use you and hurt you again. They told you… 

You felt something weird. Not anything physical, more just a feeling of forgetting something. Like you had forgotten something crucial. Something that was left behind that you dropped… The more you thought about what they had told you to think about Luciel, the more intense this feeling grew. 

Perhaps you were forgetting something about Luciel?


	5. Chapter 5

Your hunger grew and grew the longer you waited, and it was apparent that Luciel wasn’t going to get you any food without you making him aware of your hunger. The feeling of emptiness grew and you wanted to experiment a little bit. Perhaps what you had believed this whole time wasn’t completely true…

“Lu...ciel?” You quietly mumbled. His head perked up and he stared at you from the other side of the couch. You saw a brief facial expression that you couldn’t make out, but he stared at you waiting for your next response.

It felt like your voice escaped you when he looked at you. You couldn’t form words, so you clutched your stomach to try to communicate. Luciel stood up from the couch and called for Vanderwood again, presumably to get him to keep an eye on you while he went and got you some food. The man came into the room and Luciel walked off, leaving Vanderwood in charge of watching over you. You felt like a pathetic child needing constant supervision.

“He cares about you, you really should be nicer.” He crossed his arms and stared at you from about 20 feet away. You looked up at him and stared back with just as much bitterness.

“You think I believe that?”

“Look, I know you spent a year in that crazy place. You were fed poison for so long that your eye color changed, I don’t even know how that’s possible, but you’re clearly out of your mind. You need to snap out of that stupor and appreciate the lengths he’s going for you.”

“He’s just trying to hurt me. He’s trying to get into my head and manipulate me.”

“The same could be said about that cult that you were in. They did it to control you, he’s trying to help you recover from it and go back to your real self.”

“Why are you even talking to me? You never have.”

“Well, if I have to stand here and make sure you don’t kill yourself for however long obviously I’m going to want to talk some sense into you so that I don’t have to do this.”

“So you’re being selfish by pretending to care.”

“You know what, believe that you want to, it won’t change what I do.” He sighed and rolled his eyes, glancing in the direction that Luciel went. “I can already see you’re improving and you haven’t even been here a few days.”

“Who are you to say I’m ‘improving?’ Who do you think you are?”

“Who I am doesn’t matter to you. And I say you’re improving because of many reasons. You just asked him to get you food. You’re wearing the clothes he gave you. You’re not trying to run away.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows. “Yesterday I heard you screaming bloody murder at him for just giving you food and offering you a warm blanket, and today you’re outright asking him to get you something you didn’t want to accept just 24 hours ago. He even said last night that you allowed him to literally pick you up and carry you to his bed so that you could sleep.”

You stared at the ground in silence for a little while, letting his words seep in. Why  _ did _ your behavior change so suddenly? Was it the dwindling concentration of the elixir in your body that was causing you to think for yourself? Were you really as distrusting as you tried to make yourself out to be? You were becoming weaker and weaker by the minute, weren’t you? Maybe it was the breakdown you had had yesterday that allowed your sanity to shift. Would you have to break down more and more to change into the person you once were--who even was that person? Not like you remembered who she was. Maybe she isn’t even worth being. If you had to change to a different person by relying on panic attacks, you didn’t  _ want  _ to change. Nothing about the situation is favorable; you felt you couldn’t win.

“Just pull yourself together, okay?” Vanderwood broke the silence.

“Damn you.” You spat back. He seemed unfazed, which pissed you off.

Luciel came back into the room shortly after, carrying a plate with something steaming sitting on top of it and a cup of water, and Vanderwood wandered off. Seeing it made your eyebrows furrow in curiosity, wondering what he brought you this time. 

“I’m not the best cook, but I hope it’s okay.” Luciel handed you the plate and you slowly took it, and you saw a small smile on his face. He put the water down on the floor in front of you. “You’re always welcome to come over and sit on the couch.”

“I like it better here.” You mumbled. You looked down at the plate and saw an omelet. Something you hadn’t eaten in a while. 

“Do the clothes fit you okay?” He gestured towards the outfit you put on. You looked down and started warily eating, hoping that he would leave you alone. You noticed Luciel walk away, and you thought he was going to just go back to the couch, but to your surprise he ducked into his bedroom for a moment, leaving you completely alone. You wanted to take this opportunity to find something, anything, that you could use to free yourself, but before you could even move he was back in the room, carrying a pillow in his hands. He walked over to you and offered it to you, but you felt weak eating out of his hands like this, you didn’t want to dig this hole even deeper and take everything out of his hands directly. He shrugs and places it in front of you by the gifts the members sent before once again wandering to sit on the couch.

Your shoulders sink when you put the now empty plate on the floor. The space around you was crowded with the blankets, pillow, gifts, and the plate. 

Were they really kind? Were the disciples wrong? They engraved the mantras in your head; everyone in the RFA were filthy traitors who threw you away and sacrificed your safety. Who was right in this situation?

_ Let’s see what he says…  _ You softly whistled to get his attention, and he immediately stood up off of the couch and ambled in your direction. 

“Who put me in danger in the first place?” You quietly murmured under your breath. Luciel sighs and sits down on the floor.

“I was the one who put the bomb there about 3 years ago,” He rubs the back of his head, “But after the hacker attacked the security system and activated the bomb, you were conveniently kidnapped and taken to that place…”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “So…?”

“That group manipulated the system to be able to take you. If they didn’t attack, you would have been safe. I still feel like utter garbage for allowing things to get that far…”

“But… They were the ones who tore the security system?”

“Yes. If they hadn’t have done that, none of this would have happened. I’ve been talking with the other members since we rescued you, and we think that they have a grudge against us. They put you in danger and then blamed my incompetence. They… I don’t know if I’m saying this in a way that you understand…”

“I’m not stupid.” A bit of bitterness had escaped your mouth, and you almost felt  _ bad. _

“I realize it may seem like I’m trying to do the same thing to you, telling you things to make me and the RFA seem like angels, but I’m just trying to help.”

“They told me so many times… You guys are demons who will corrupt me and lead me down the wrong path…”

“They drugged you and abused you, didn’t they?”

“I was… I was just being punished for my arrogance.”

“Hey.” Luciel reached out and lifted your chin with a finger, and you pulled back and smacked his hand away. You weren’t weak, you just wanted answers. 

“If that was true, if we really were evil, would they have to go such lengths to convince you? Why would they hurt you to get you to believe something if it was true?”

“I…” You had been told that this was the proper way to learn, that you need to be disciplined in order to understand. Wasn’t that the way everyone learned? They told you…

“Do I really deserve to think for myself?” You rub your arm and feel the bumps of the stitches beneath your sleeve.

“Everyone deserves to think for themselves.” Luciel’s voice was smooth and deep as if he was trying to avoid startling you. You looked up at him with softer eyes, he was being so kind to you…

It was a breath of fresh air compared to the pain you’d experienced.

“You guys really care?” Your voice was barely even a whisper, you could hardly hear it yourself. Luciel locked eyes with you and nodded slowly. You thought for a moment before saying, “I… I don’t know.” 

“I understand if you need time. You were there for so long, traumatized. Just please know that I’m- that we’re never going to hurt you.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was quite an interesting book. Jumin had supplied a wide variety of books, most likely because he didn’t know your preference, but he managed to get his hands on quite a few interesting ones. This one that you were reading was about the daughter of a president in a post-apocalyptic world, trying to overcome the difficulties of enemies constantly trying to use her for her wealth. It was intriguing, to say the least. 

You were there for about a week now, and to your surprise, nothing was going wrong as you slowly started to warm up and start thinking for yourself. Savior constantly told you that things would go wrong, that you would ruin everything if you grew arrogant and allowed yourself to rebel from the control of her and your superiors. Maybe things were different here. Maybe things would be okay if you tried something new. It wouldn't hurt to test the waters, right?

You put the bookmark back in your book and slowly stood up, ignoring the shaky feeling in your legs. You grabbed the blue blanket Zen gave you, the pillow, and your fully charged phone and slowly made your way to the couch, where Luciel was lounging. He was on his phone, presumably chatting with the other members, but he perked up upon seeing you stand at the opposite end of the couch. You cautiously placed the pillow against the corner and slowly sat down, trying to ignore his burning gaze. You could have sworn you saw him wearing a large smile out of the corner of your eye.

You sat down on the couch, surprised at how much more comfortable it was than the floor corner and wrapped the blanket around yourself to cease from shivering. You opened up the chatroom and saw that Luciel, Yoosung, and Jumin were already there.

_ “Just be nice.”  _ Luciel sent almost immediately after you entered, and he had probably typed it out before you entered and sent the message at the same time.

_ “Oh hi!!!! How have you been? Are you okay? Are your stitches healing well? Have you been eating?”  _ Yoosung immediately started bombarding you with questions, and you must have portrayed your overwhelmed state on your face because Luciel sent the next message.

_ “Hey, what did I  _ **_just_ ** _ say? She doesn’t like that. Be considerate.” _

_ “Sorry T_T I didn’t mean to overwhelm you…”  _ Yoosung apologized. You sighed and dropped your shoulders.

_ “Hello,”  _ Jumin welcomed you with less energy than Yoosung did, and it was a bit better. “ _ I hope you’ve been okay.” _

_ “Somewhat fine, I guess.”  _ You sent the message. You were still scared around them. You had grown a bit more comfortable around Luciel, albeit selectively. You were still very wary around him, and you didn’t allow him to touch you, but his presence didn’t coat your being with rage as it had before.

_ “Good! I would hate it if you were in pain T_T”  _ Yoosung sent another emoticon, and you shifted in your seat uncomfortably. 

_ “I never said I wasn’t, Yoosung.”  _ You sent it quickly in response. You almost wanted him to be quiet and back off, his messages seemed way too energized for you to handle at the moment. You didn’t have the heart to tell him, surprisingly, so you looked up at Luciel and tried to let him know about your discomfort through your expression. He nodded and started typing. 

_ “Yoosung you’re a bit too much for her right now;;” _

_ “Please keep in mind that it’s most likely taking her a lot to even be present in the chatroom, let alone talk.”  _ Jumin sent as well. 

_ “I’m sorry. What have you been doing this past week?”  _ Yoosung attempted to ask another question, and you saw Luciel shift, but you shook your head at him. One question was better than four, anyway.

_ “Mainly trying to get through the days,”  _ You slowly typed. 

_ “I hope you find happiness soon.”  _ Jumin wished.

You didn’t feel comfortable typing out your in-depth thoughts about how you thought you were happy at Mint Eye but that seemed to be all a lie, and you didn’t know if your current situation was really something to give you joy, so you simply left it at  _ “I just don’t know what to believe.” _

_ “I understand. You’ve been through a lot.”  _ Yoosung seemed surprisingly calm, but it was most likely because he was berated for his energy. Something you wish you had.

_ “She’s been doing so well.”  _ Luciel sent, to your confusion.

“What’s ‘well’ in your perspective?” You bit angrily. Every now and again the aggression would come out instinctively, but you hardly cared.

“You’ve started thinking for yourself, and you’re trusting me a bit more.” He casually stated without looking up from his phone. You shook your head and exited the chatroom, it was enough for now. 

Luciel barely batted an eye at your sudden exit, he most likely understood you the most. While you didn’t doubt Yoosung (and maybe even Jumin) would be curious, Luciel seemed to fully understand your feelings and your motivations behind your actions. He seemed to know that you were defending yourself instead of actively trying to hurt him. You had this weird feeling toward him, one that seemed almost familiar. What was this feeling? 

It hit you. It all came back, your memories from your first few days in the RFA before you were kidnapped. You liked him. You  _ liked  _ Luciel. You felt that a part of you  _ still  _ liked him. Maybe that was why he infuriated you so much? It felt like you weren’t satisfied when you pushed him away because you wanted him to be close. You just didn’t realize. Maybe getting _physically_ close would clear up some of the doubts you still held.

Luciel had his eyes trained on his phone while you carefully shifted to your left, slightly closer to him. He glanced up at you and shot you a soft smile, making your chest flutter. 

“Sorry.” You shied back to where you were, and he sat up.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He reassured you. “You’re free to come closer.” He seemed to read your mind, and you slowly slid down the couch toward him. He seemed overjoyed at your progress. 

A question had begun to burn into your brain. It was a thought that you wouldn’t be able to dismiss; one that you had to satiate or it would rob you of needed sleep. His reactions to Yoosung’s and Zen’s mocking way back when, in conjunction with his intensive care for you in the present despite your hostility, aggression, and even violence, all seemed to line up to something that one could assume, but you needed confirmation. 

“You liked me back then, didn’t you?” You spit out, avoiding eye contact. Yoosung and Zen had teased him about it, and you had had your suspicions as well. 

“Um…” Luciel looked down to the floor and you saw his eyes widen a bit. “I’m not going to question you, but you’re getting a lot… bolder, should I say? I’m glad you’re not afraid to socialize, but I don’t want you to be forcing yourself out of your comfort zone.” He chuckled.

“You don’t know my comfort zone. And you’re dodging the question.” You stared at him, and you could see his eyes darting lightly. After a moment of silence, he looked at your face, locking eyes with you. When he did, you could see a slight change in his facial expression that you couldn’t describe. Almost… realization? Remembrance? 

“I don’t want to lie. You’ve heard too much of that and I made a promise to the both of us that I will not tell any lies,” He started. It was instinct now to shut yourself off physically in response to anything with a hint of potential harm, and your nervousness for his impending words of supposed truth made you succumb to this and curl into a ball. “But I also don’t want to tell you the truth. Is it lying if you don’t say anything? I don’t want to say anything.” He chuckled and glanced at your curled body, then back up at your face. 

That could mean  _ anything.  _ Despite how you looked at it, he could be refusing to say either answer, yes or no. It’s not clear-cut, but his answer did supply food for thought.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been two weeks since you first woke up in his bed. It surprised both you and Luciel how much you were growing physically. You had managed to put on a small bit of weight, which was good since every ounce gained was an ounce further toward going back to your old body. Your stitches had healed and Vanderwood had removed them, although he didn’t seem to trust you enough to do it while you were conscious. Though the injury had healed, a deep purple scar showed where your attempt had taken place. 

Your eyes hadn’t shown any signs of turning back to their original color. They were still as bright mint as the first day you arrived in the bunker.

“How would you feel about someone from the RFA coming over?” Luciel spoke. You snapped your head up from your book to stare at him, to try to decipher if this was a lie. Sure, your judgement on that was a bit cloudy, but you were getting better. 

“Who…?” You got off of the couch and began to back away to your corner, where your belongings would sit during the day. It just felt like a safe place to you and you couldn’t pin down why. You had even gone so far as to put bright yellow tape on the floor around your space to let Luciel know where he wasn’t allowed (since he often got a bit too close, by accident or on purpose you didn't know), and he always complied with your wishes, although the first day you had put it down he seemed amused at your actions, which irritated you.

“You can decide. If you don’t want anyone, that’s fine. I haven’t told them anything.” Luciel didn’t follow you to your corner, as he never did. He couldn’t read you--at least you thought so--but he seemed to understand what you wanted at times. You were beginning to trust him more because of it, and you had mixed feelings about it.

You hummed in thought to yourself. Maybe it would help you gain a bit of insight into the members’ intentions if you could talk to them face-to-face. You still held onto your doubts that they cared, and it would be easy to read their expressions and body language in person. 

Yoosung was far too energetic in the chatrooms, but perhaps that would make his behavior easier to dissect. On the opposite end of the line, Jumin seemed to be the most calm and collected, but that would mean it would be harder to read him. You hadn’t connected to anyone in the chatrooms in particular, so you couldn’t go off of your opinions of them. However, you ended up deciding on the only other girl, maybe she would understand you a bit more than the boys.

“Jaehee.” You sat in the corner and watched as Luciel stood up from the sofa and slowly walked toward you. “Don’t…” You expressed your discomfort of him approaching; talking about the members of the RFA always stung and made you shield yourself. 

“Can I ask why you chose her in particular?” Luciel pulled his phone from his pocket and fiddled with it.

“No.” You shook your head, and he dropped the subject.

He pressed a few times on the screen before pulling his phone to his ear. You pulled your own phone out and started scrolling through the old chatrooms to see how she interacted with you.

“Hey, when’s the next time you’re available?” Luciel spoke into his phone. Though you couldn’t hear Jaehee’s responses, you still stayed quiet to analyse his words to see if he lied to her about the intention of her visit.

“Oh, wow. Well, um, I was just wondering, do you think you’d be willing to come by my bunker for a few? … Yeah. … No, I’ll be here the whole time. She won’t tell me why, but she chose for you to come over out of everyone else,” he laughed, “... Yeah! … Alright, when can I expect you over? … Alright, see you.” He pocketed his phone after ending the call. You stared at him with your legs in your arms, waiting for him to explain.

“She’s going to be here in about an hour. She’s quite flattered that you chose her, was it because she’s another girl?” He flashed a smile. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“You don’t need to know.” You shot coldly. His smile faded and he wandered over to his desk, sitting down and logging into his computer.

* * *

Luciel’s phone started ringing and he picked it up immediately, spoke a few quiet, rushed words, and ran to the heavily locked door across the room. You curled up, anticipating the hypocrisy that you were taught to expect from the RFA. Then again, you were told the same about Luciel and your walls were breaking down around him.

He opened the door and greeted who you had to assume was Jaehee. You saw her step inside and as soon as you locked eyes with her, you saw her shoulders become tense. Appropriate, considering the physical violence you inflicted on Luciel. She stared at you, your corner, and your tape for a few moments before mumbling something to Luciel, and he quickly shook his head. He led her further into the room, and Jaehee’s gait was a lot more stiff than his confident stride. 

“Hi,” She greeted you with a gentle smile. You simply stared, not wanting to seem weak to her. You already hated being so vulnerable around Luciel, and you didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of getting that far with one interaction.

“I’m really glad you like the clothes I bought for you. I had a hard time guessing your tastes and your sizes,” She chuckled a little bit. The closer she came to you, the more uncomfortable she seemed to become and it ticked you off a bit. 

“Don’t be so nervous around me. Respect my boundaries and I won’t do shit to you.” You wore a flat expression. She seemed a bit shocked, but not as much as you expected. She checked the floor to make sure she stayed behind the tape, and she sat down in front of you.

“I’m sorry. This situation is a bit unfamiliar to me.” She looked at her fidgeting hands. You huffed and pursed your lips at her comment, a bit angry that she would be uncomfortable in this situation considering your state, but you bit your tongue. 

“So, I take it you know what happened to me?” You tried to stay calm. 

“He told us the gist of it, but he wouldn’t tell us any details.” She avoided eye contact.

“Don’t lie to her.” Luciel piped up from across the room, where he was in a chair facilitating with his arms crossed. His presence did make you feel better, and it was nice to have someone to ensure only the truth is told to you. Jaehee shut her eyes and it seemed like she internally punched herself.

“I am so sorry. I thought you’d be mad.”

“I’m more angry now that you tried to lie to me. I’ve had enough of it.”

“I apologise.” She briefly bowed her head, “We do know. Everything.”

You tilt your head and make eye contact with her when she looks back up, and you notice that her shoulders become a bit more stiff. A bit interesting, you thought. What reason does she have to be so tense? You already told her not to get too close and she’ll be fine. 

“What are they doing today?” You reached for the teddy bear she gave you a couple weeks ago and pulled it in to hug it. She seemed to relax a bit at your action, prompting a flood of thoughts. Maybe she thinks you trust her? Or that you’ll direct your aggression toward the bear instead of her? She’s treating you worse than Luciel was when you first came to the bunker. 

“The members of the RFA?” She asked timidly.

“Yeah. Who else?” You smirked a bit to show your amusement at her nature.

“Oh,” She glanced back at Luciel, who tilted his head in curiosity. Perhaps he was wondering why she was so scared as well. “Um, Mr. Han is abroad on a business trip, and I’m free today, which is why I was able to come visit. Yoosung is probably at school. Zen is probably at home right now, he recently got cast in an upcoming musical.” Her eyes seemed to shine.  _ Oh, right.  _ You remembered that she was infatuated with Zen’s performances and entertainment work. She’s a person; she has passions, likes, hobbies, a personality. Is that what makes life enjoyable? Is that what gives you the ability to wake up looking forward to the next day? Joys, likes, dislikes, it’s what makes up a person. It’s what you’re lacking, isn’t it…?

Jaehee’s call of your name snapped you out of your daze. You blink a few times to regain your vision and see that Luciel was no longer sitting in the chair across the room, instead standing a few feet behind Jaehee, staring in concern. Their positions began to bring back images of the disciples in the basement. Fear struck your stomach and the room seemed to morph back to that hell. How could this be possible? 

“Stop, stop, please.” You close your eyes and clutch your head. Your mouth and throat dry, your head spins, the image of the basement becomes clearer than ever. You can feel the pain of the bruises, the pressure against your neck, the pungent taste of the elixir stuck in your mouth and throat. “Please… I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” You repeated, begging for mercy. You didn’t want to be hurt again; you don’t even remember doing anything wrong.

“Breathe, breathe.” A distant voice attempted to soothe you. It didn’t sound like the disciples’ voices as you expected. They would belittle you, shout at you, force you to stand at the edge of death unless you complied with their demands. They never soothed you like this.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” Another wave of panic crashed down on you. It was shocking how quickly you could go from being content and fully present in the moment to spiraling, reality fading and becoming mixed with the twisted images in your mind.

“You can. Look at me, look at me.” You forced your eyes open. The image of the basement seemed to ebb away, revealing where you really were. Luciel crouched down in front of you, his hand held yours against his chest. “Feel my breathing, yeah? Breathe with me.” He took in a deep, slow breath and you attempted to copy his action, but it was hard to breathe over your panic. Another wave smothered you and you began to slip away again, but Luciel grabbed your other hand from your hair and let you squeeze his hand instead of possibly ripping hair out of your scalp.

A few minutes passed and your panic began to fade. You stared into Luciel’s eyes and got a better look at him and what he was doing. 

His facial expression showed nothing but care and a bit of concern. He was crouching down right in front of you, right between you and your line of tape. This was the first time he had violated your space, but it seemed to be to calm you down. Maybe he does care; your misery could have lasted hours had he not been here to stabilize your breathing and ground you. 

Jaehee stood against the wall, worry lacing her furrowed eyebrows. A pang of embarrassment stabbed your abdomen due to letting your weakness show, and to avoid eye contact, you buried your face in Luciel’s chest. You breathed in his ambrosial scent, noticing a hint of honey bhudda chips, and his smell seemed to ease the rigidity in your muscles. He wrapped his arms around you, almost in a protecting manner, and he mumbled a few words to Jaehee. You heard her begin to walk and her footsteps got quieter and further away.

“They were wrong, weren’t they?” You asked, the side of your face still pressed to his chest.

“I want you to come to your own conclusions,” You felt his fingers start to play with your hair, “Your opinions, thoughts, and feelings are more important than what other people tell you.” 

“They told me you’d hurt me, but you’ve only made me feel more calm recently.” You admitted. “You won’t, though, right?”

“I could never hurt you.”


	8. Chapter 8

And he was right.

It had been three weeks since you had been rescued from Magenta, and Luciel had never laid a finger on you. You were slowly starting to warm up to him, beginning to abandon your taught beliefs. While you were at Magenta, you were promised that happiness was surrendering your wellbeing to your superiors and breathing only when you were allowed. You felt an array of negative emotions, such as fear, sadness, despair, loneliness, and all of these were inflicted upon you by the one who was supposed to be happy. She claimed that this was so that happiness seemed stronger. However, with Luciel, he didn’t try to manipulate your emotions. He not only let you feel and think on your own, but encouraged you to do so. It made you feel lighter; it was more enjoyable than what you had lived through. Luciel’s jokes and lighthearted banter made you smile and  _ laugh _ \--the first time in a long while.

What was the most painful, though, was your reflection. You were becoming healthier, but your eye color showed no signs of desaturating and returning to their original hue. It was a stabbing reminder of what happened, no matter how much you tried to drown out the memories, your eyes displayed in perfect detail. You contemplated getting colored contacts, but that would require more staring in the mirror when you could just avoid it altogether.

You sat at the end of the couch reading a book, with Luciel on the other side, scrolling through old messages on the messenger. Though you were slowly recovering from the mental trauma, your body needed extra time to bounce back, and you still experienced cold shudders every now and again. You remembered Luciel’s warm embrace when he calmed you down from that panic attack, and with hardly a second thought, you quickly slid down the couch and pushed yourself into his arms, resting your head on his shoulder, seeking for the same warmth. You trusted him more than you ever had, and you weren’t even thinking about your actions and how upset the Savior would be. You were starting to abandon that train of thought.

“Whoa.” You heard him say. You didn’t reply, instead opened your book and resumed reading. “I take it you’re cold?” He said with a light chuckle. You nodded and settled down further as Luciel adjusted his arm to rest against your upper back. Feeling his warm arm around you nearly sent you into tears and reminded you of what you had wanted to say, but you had never found a reason or excuse to do so.

It was a surprise to say the least. Just three weeks ago, you barely let him within a ten-foot radius, and now you willingly came up and huddled against his side. He entered the chatroom that Yoosung and Zen were in.

_ “Hey Seven! Any news?”  _ Zen typed out.

_ “Yeah.”  _ He then took a picture of you cuddling against his side reading your book. You glanced up at the exact same moment as he snapped the picture, shrugged, and kept reading.  _ Holy shit,  _ Luciel thought,  _ She’s doing so much better…  _

Yoosung immediately reacted to Luciel’s image with his shocked emoji. He couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

_ “Is that her?!?”  _ Zen sent. Luciel saw you put your book down and pull out your phone.

_ “Yeah, I think she’s gonna come in. Just treat her like a person;;” _

_ “What’s that supposed to mean?”  _ Yoosung asked.

_ “Don’t know if you guys noticed, but you’ve been acting like she’s a rabid animal.”  _ Luciel typed just as you entered the chatroom. You wanted to see what they were saying, and perhaps join in on the conversation. 

_ “We haven’t been trying to;;”  _ Yoosung replied.

_ “Oh hey!”  _ Zen greeted you.

A shocking feeling of anxiety expanded like a vine in your stomach, and eventually writhed up your throat and stole your voice, making it impossible for you to speak. _ “Luciel I can’t talk irl, can I tell you here?” _

“Of course.” He spoke, shattering the silence. You nodded and began typing.

_ “I’m sorry for thinking you would hurt me. I’m sorry for hurting you. Thank you for being here to snap me back to reality when I need it.” _

Luciel could barely contain his smile. You did what he was hoping you would do: you broke away from the lies spoon-fed to you and started seeing the world in the kind light you once did. “I’m proud of you.”

_ “Shut up.”  _ Luciel laughed at your reply, which made you chuckle a bit in response.  _ So much progress! _

_ “What do you mean snapping you back to reality?;;;”  _ Yoosung asked.

_ “If you went through what I did you would have flashbacks to the torture, too.”  _

_ “Oh; sorry T_T”  _

_ “Luciel is it okay for them to come over? I want to try seeing them.”  _ You asked, hesitant but still curious. The meeting with Jaehee popped into your mind, and it was a bit intimidating, but you knew that you would have to eventually. Luciel’s breath hitched and he turned his attention from his phone to you.

“Are you sure?”

_ “As long as I can hide when I need I’ll be fine.”  _ You typed. Luciel heard you sniff, and when he looked at your face, he noticed that it was red and puffy with tears that had fallen with the choking anxiety that accompanied the apology. 

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.” Luciel sat up and hugged you, and to his surprise you immediately reciprocated. 

_ So much progress. _


	9. Chapter 9

Luciel’s phone started buzzing and ringing out of nowhere, interrupting the peaceful silence and making you flinch in surprise.

“They’re here.” He got off of the couch and walked to the door, and you followed him like a puppy, simply because you felt safe around him. Upon seeing Yoosung and Zen when the door swung open, your heart dropped and you clung to Luciel’s arm. 

“Hi!” Yoosung cheerfully greeted. You nodded once and positioned yourself further behind Luciel.. Seeing these two men that you’d only seen the faces of on your phone screen and heard the voices of through your speakers in person was daunting. Though you knew you were going to come face-to-face with them eventually, perhaps you were getting a bit too ahead of yourself. You had figured since you were getting so comfortable around Luciel, maybe you’d be able to face new people, but seeing Zen and Yoosung right in front of you planted a bud of anxiety in your stomach.

“Um…” Zen stared into your eyes, “We brought some fish-shaped bread if you want some.” You saw the bag and you felt tempted to rush forward and snatch it from his hand, but your legs refused to move. Luciel instead reached forward with his spare hand and took the bag from Zen, handing it to you. Your shaky hands left his bicep and carefully grabbed it, and you were suddenly acutely aware of their eyes trained on watching your slow and trembling movements. 

Though the aggression, hatred, and violence toward Luciel when you had first arrived had flaked away, it uncovered a new, possibly more unfavorable, layer of timidity and insecurity. The seed was watered by their gazes and quickly grew to paralyse your appendages. You were sure that you looked like a deer caught in headlights: wide eyes and a nearly completely frozen body, the only form of activity being revealed in small, quivering movements. 

“Why don’t we settle down and watch some TV?” Luciel suggested to the two, gesturing further into the room. Zen and Yoosung agreed and walked past you toward the couch, closing the door behind them. As soon as the two turned their backs, Luciel turned toward you and wrapped you in a comforting hug. One arm rested across your shoulders while the other hand traced up and down your spine. It was only now that you realised you hadn’t been breathing properly, instead in a rapid shallow pattern, and you tried to breathe in conjunction with his fingers.

“If this is too hard for you, I can tell them to leave anytime.” He rested his chin on the top of your head. You closed your eyes and tried to focus on your breathing, finding it easier to relax in his embrace. It felt like he had a talent of warding off the demon perched on your shoulder that garnered your anxiety, whether it was because he had spent three weeks helping and caring for you and you were growing used to his presence, or your feelings that you once had that had laid dormant this whole time, or a combination of both. He was able to calm you in ways that you struggled to do yourself. 

Once you had regained your breathing, you gently pushed on his chest away from him and opened the bag of fish-shaped buns, offering one to him as thanks. You felt it was needed. He graciously accepted with a warm smile and you turned and wandered to your corner. Zen noticed you hadn’t followed Luciel to the comfortable couch, but opted for a corner, and confusion seemed to flash in his mind.

“How come you’re over there? There’s room on the couch,” he asked. He may have been oblivious to the fact that your anxiety was acting up and you  _ could not talk _ , so questions directed toward you would be useless as he wouldn’t receive an answer. You sucked in a sharp breath, but before you could have an adverse reaction, Luciel spoke.

“She can see the TV from there and she’s comfortable,” he ripped the words from your mouth. How did he know exactly what you wanted to say?

_ Did  _ you  _ steal my voice? Thief.  _ You thought in amusement. He glanced back at you and nodded once. It was most likely just him affirming you that he would be your voice and he'd protect you and ward off the pressure for you to talk, but you liked thinking that he had been the one to take your voice, and he just read your mind and was confirming the fact.

It was funnier to you.


	10. Chapter 10

The soft cushion of the couch felt like heaven compared to the cold corner you claimed as your own. Sure, you had set up a couple pillows against the walls and floor, but it couldn’t compare. Yoosung and Zen had left long ago, but you still watched the movie on the TV while nibbling on a bun. It had sucked you in and was leaving you wanting--no, _needing_ \--to know how it ended, as you would feel starved and unsatisfied without the answers. You saw Luciel in the corner of your eye glancing back at you staring intently at the screen, and you could have sworn he smiled a few times to himself. It makes you mad. You were interested, who is he to find amusement in something as simple as you enjoying something?

About 15 minutes later as the credits rolled on the screen, you leaned back on the couch cushion and huffed. The makers of the movie had the _audacity_ to leave you on a cliffhanger. How ridiculous.

“Hey,” Luciel got your attention. You looked over at him and tilted your head in curiosity, did he have something to say about the movie? What did he think about the insolence of the creators? “Get dressed.” He simply states with the ghost of a smirk. You furrowed your brows, but still carefully got up from the couch and sauntered to your corner, shuffling around with your pile of clothes. Luciel walked into his bedroom for a few moments, leaving you _completely alone._

Is this a good thing?

You settled on a light outfit with breathable material since it was a bit warm and stuffy in the bunker. Why did he want you to change into a different outfit? Were you going to watch another movie and you needed a change of clothes? Why? Confusion was the only thing you could feel as you sat back on the couch. Luciel came back into the room, wearing his usual jacket.

“Come on.” He gestured toward the door with his head.

Really…?

Without a word, you rose from the sofa and followed Luciel out the door into the garage. Your heart began pounding in your chest, is he really doing what you think he is? You could hardly handle a couple people you used to know coming over to the bunker, how could you deal with going to a public setting?

He approached his white car and grabbed the keys from behind the license plate, unlocking the car. He nodded to you when you approached the passenger side, and you carefully opened the door and sat in the leather seat. Luciel did the same on the driver’s side, slid the key into the ignition, and started the engine. You shakily put the seatbelt on and sat stiffly in the seat.

“I’ll be with you the whole time.” He spoke in a smooth voice as he pressed a button, opening the garage door leading to the outside world. The world you haven’t seen in months. A shiver snaked its way down your spine. Luciel put the car into gear and carefully guided it out of the garage. The light purring of the engine was admittedly nice to listen to, and your eyes wandered around the interior of the car.

The center console had countless buttons, most of course essential to the car, but a few more you didn’t recognise and you were scared to ask. It was clear he had replaced the radio with a lovely stereo with a polished lining. The leather seats were deep brown with darker accents, and were extremely comfortable. You swore you could live in the seat for the rest of your life, but the fear covering your body prevented you from relaxing. 

While Luciel drove, you sat with your knees glued together with your hands clasped in your lap. You were well aware of your thumping pulse between your fingers, and it was a bit of a unique feeling. The control of the car was astonishing; you could hardly feel the acceleration, movement, or turns. The sole things you could feel were the press of the cool seat against your back and the stiffness in your muscles. The only thing that drew you from your still stare on your hands was the warm feeling of Luciel’s hand gently placed on your knee. You looked up at him and he glanced at you, smiled, and looked back at the road, keeping his hand in place. This led you to briefly look out the windshield, but the scenery attracted you and made it impossible to look away.

The sun was slowly dipping the horizon, but the soft orange and pink rays of light that still remained gently painted the road, buildings, and trees. The tinted windows allowed you to stare at the sunset without pain, and you forgot how beautiful the sky could be. The sky was a gorgeous blend of orange and blue, and the clouds wore a deep purple hue with traces of light pink. You saw that stars were pale and hesitant to appear at the zenith through the sunroof, and you could almost relate to them. They seemed to hold the same fear that you did, fear of intruding on something that deserves more attention. Were you a star? They seemed to hang in the sky like tiny crystals at the top of a cave, and you felt pity. Surely they were welcome alongside the sunset, it would add to the beauty of the environment. 

Nothing in the environment was ugly at all. The aspects danced together in a beautiful show that most people overlooked. Maybe it was because you had been inside for months on end, or maybe you were more observant. Either way, the people you could see outside walking on the sidewalk seemed to keep their heads down, missing out on a stunning sky right above them. The familiar sharp feeling of tears stung your eyes at this fact, and you blinked them away and shook your head. Nobody deserved to miss out on this show.

“We’re almost there.” Luciel flashed a smile in your direction and gently stroked your knee with his thumb. Your heart fluttered at something you couldn’t determine. Was it the excitement of going to a new location? The fear of potentially facing complete strangers? 

...Luciel?

“Do you like ice cream?” He asked out of the blue. You couldn’t recall. You hadn’t had anything sweet other than the fish-shaped buns a few hours ago, it’d been so long since the taste of ice cream blessed your tongue. You shrugged.

“I forget.” You quietly mumbled. Luciel furrowed his brows and pursed his lips, and you could practically see the gears turning in his head, trying to read between the letters of what you had just spoken. It was a simple statement, what was he thinking about?

Luciel took a right and began to slow the car. He took his hand away from your knee to adjust the shifter as he carefully began to parallel park along the side of the road. You couldn’t see anything notable other than a few shops and other buildings you couldn’t tell the purpose of. Perhaps some business or apartment buildings.

He stopped that car and shut off the engine, and you hesitantly unbuckled the seatbelt and opened the car door, but you quickly shut it again out of fear after someone walked by on the sidewalk. Luciel noticed this and left the car, leaving you alone for a moment. You could see him walk around the front of the car and to your door, and he opened it for you. He offered his hand, and when you looked at his face to see if he was serious, his mouth was curled into a small smile and his eyes were kind and… something else. You slowly placed your hand in his and let him help you out of the car, supporting you when your legs were shaky. You were well aware of your wide eyes darting up and down the street, and you were suddenly self-conscious of your odd eye color which would surely draw attention, and widening your eyes out of anxiety surely drew more. 

“Hey, hey, look at me.” Luciel cooed and you looked into his eyes. The world seemed to melt away around you as you focused on his face.

“You’re okay, I’m here for you. You can lean on me if you need to.” He cupped your cheek in one hand and closed the car door behind you with the other. You nodded and repeated his words in your mind, trying to engrain his kind sentence in your brain and convince yourself that it’s true. You took a deep breath and pulled away from his hand.

“So where are we going?” You asked, instinctively clinging onto his bicep for comfort. He didn’t bat an eye as he started walking down the sidewalk, being careful not to go too fast in order to let you stay on his arm.

“Well, when I was a kid, I used to go to an ice cream shop to get some for me and…” he paused for a moment, thinking to himself, then in a soft, strained voice, spoke “...my brother.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. It was years ago, though, so that shop has been closed down. But I found a new one, and I was hoping to take you there so we could enjoy some ice cream, and get out of the bunker…” He rubs the back of his head and avoids your gaze. You looked back up at the sky, noticing that the stars were now shining brighter than they were before. You were proud; they were able to break from their shells and shine with more confidence.

Maybe you were just personifying them more than necessary. It felt good to imagine objects as something more, though. It felt good to see yourself in something that wasn't human. Your imagination could be an amazing place to be sometimes if you let it.


	11. Chapter 11

After walking for another minute or so, you arrived at a small-scale ice cream parlor. You still held his arm as he led you inside, and the chill of the shop hit you quickly. It was nearly vacant, save for an elderly couple and what looked like a mother and her young son. The shop was colored with a pale pink, yellow, and…

Mint.

You don’t like mint.

You waived the thoughts from your mind, finding it way easier than you would expect, with more of an effect.  _ It’s just an ice cream shop. I’m okay.  _

Another shiver blanketed you and Luciel seemed to notice. Maybe you shouldn’t have worn light clothing. Before you could protest, Luciel removed his jacket and draped it over your small frame. Your mind flashed back to the first few minutes you were conscious near him, he did the same thing: provided his warm jacket to combat the chill. You had been so aggressive, but over the weeks it had peeled away and left you alone. Thinking back to it made your heart hurt with how hostile and mean you were to this man for caring. The warmth of the jacket was comfortable and relaxing both times, but you were willing to accept his kindness this time. You did trust him, after all.

You threw the hood over your head and put your arms in the sleeves, finding amusement in the fact that your hands did not reach the wrists of the jacket, instead let the ends flop around. You slapped Luciel’s arm with the loose sleeve, and he laughed, causing a smile to instinctively spread on your face.

“Hello!” A cheery voice echoed in the near empty shop. You looked over and saw a smiling woman wearing an apron exit from the back room and turn behind the counter. Your face fell flat upon seeing her. You didn’t feel anger, but what had been put in its place: nervousness. You once again clung to Luciel like a koala and your shoulders relaxed upon holding him.

“What can I get started for you?” The woman put on some clear gloves and picked up an ice cream scoop. The intrusive vine of anxiety once again slithered up your throat and constricted, taking your voice again. 

_ Damn.  _

“One moment, please.” Luciel spoke, and he took his phone from the jacket pocket, opened the notepad, and gave it to you. Your heart skipped a beat, and you looked up at him. He smiled. “What do you want?” He casually pointed to the menu above the counter. You browsed it for a minute, spotted a flavor you found intriguing, and typed it in the notepad for Luciel to read and order for you. 

As he read out what you wanted to order, you felt like crying, but not for your usual reason of distress. You were filled with overwhelming  _ adoration _ for him and the lengths he was willing to go for you, and he didn’t even make a big deal out of it. He didn’t draw unnecessary attention to your state, just casually stepped in and helped when you needed it. The intense positive emotion became too much for you and you wanted to express your feelings in a tight hug around Luciel’s waist. So that’s exactly what you did. You couldn’t let your appreciation for him go uncommunicated. He hugged you back with one arm and continued to order a cup of chocolate cookie dough ice cream for himself. The server happily complied and before you knew it, you were not holding Luciel, instead a cup of sweet, soft ice cream that he handed to you. As he was paying for your treats, you spotted a tall table against the wall with two equally tall seats. You climbed into one seat and waited for Luciel to come back with his serving.

You were looking around and ended up locking eyes with the little boy you had spotted earlier, and you nervously waved at him. He tapped his mother on the shoulder and pointed at you, and you saw that she looked at you with a plastered expression of cautiousness, and pulled her son closer to her. You were left feeling a bit insecure, and you were wondering what you did. You turned around and looked down at your cup of ice cream with a frown.

“How are you feeling?” The voice you liked the most rang out and you looked up to see him settling across from you at the table. You shrugged.

“Did I do something wrong?” You lightly mumbled, and he cocked his head.

“Absolutely not, you haven’t done anything wrong. What makes you think that?”

You shook your head, wanting to drop the subject. You didn’t want to talk about it, at least not here.

You and Luciel ate your ice cream in silence. You got the feeling that you were being watched a few different times, but when you looked up you only met Luciel's warm golden eyes so you figured it must have just been him staring at you. You had to roll up the sleeves of Luciel’s jacket to even hold the spoon without getting the cloth dirty. The minute the spoon met your tongue, the sweet taste your life had been lacking had you nearly intoxicated. Your eyes visibly lit up the moment you tasted the ice cream, to Luciel’s mirth, and you could hardly stop yourself from eating the whole cup in a few minutes. The ambrosial, sweet, and mellow flavors felt like heaven, but it completely crossed your mind to be slow and relish the sensation. After finishing the ice cream, you sat back in your chair and watched Luciel eat his.

You put your hands in the jacket pockets and felt his phone, which he had put back in, and it was still unlocked. You smiled and hid it under the table so that he couldn’t see it, and you opened the messenger. Zen was in the chatroom alone, maybe idly waiting to talk to someone. You entered the chatroom as Luciel and turned down the volume, in case Zen used any emojis that would catch Luciel’s attention.

_ “Hey Seven!” How’s she doing?”  _ Zen said.

_ “This isn’t seven lolol~”  _ You sent with a faint giggle, and before seeing his response you opened up the camera. So that you didn’t draw attention, you slowly inched the phone up until the camera was barely peeking over the edge of the table, and you snapped a picture of Luciel staring down eating his ice cream. You breathed a silent sigh of relief that the camera hadn’t made a shuttering noise at the click of the button, and you sent the picture to Zen.

_ “You guys went outside?! Are you doing okay?”  _ Zen sent a couple messages in shock. Continuing to explore Luciel’s version of the messenger, you found the library of his emojis, and sent his heart-eyes emoji for fun. It seemed like the one that fit your mood, so why not? 

“Excuse me.” You froze and your gaze slowly panned upward to meet Luciel’s playful stare.

“Hello, how may I help you?” You turned off the screen and tried to stuff the phone back into the pocket without moving too much, though it was clear that your cover was blown.

“What did you just do?” He chuckled. You put on a fake face of innocence.

“What are you talking about?” You rested your chin in your palm. “How was your ice cream?” You nodded toward his near-empty cup.

“Don’t change the subject, what were you doing?” You would have broken down had it not been absurdly clear he held not the slightest piece of umbrage. 

“Can I try some of your ice cream?”  _ How long can I duck and evade?  _

“Sure, you can have a bite…” He started, and you began to reach toward his cup, but he grabbed your wrist, “If you give me my phone back.”

You huffed and tried to reach out with your other hand, but to your disadvantage, Luciel had two hands as well.  _ Dammit. _

After a few moments of struggling and even trying to distract him by grabbing his leg with your feet, you gave in and laughed as you handed his phone to him, and he slid the cup of ice cream toward you. You took a couple spoonfuls in your mouth while hanging your head in lighthearted shame. He laughed and shook his head, putting his phone back in his jeans pocket.

“There was one place I wanted to show you at some point, would it be okay to take you there now?” He offered. You were hesitant, as it was a bit demanding to visit one public setting, and you didn’t know how well you would manage in another.

“Where is it?” You zipped up his jacket and nudged the lower half of your face in it as you were getting a bit colder. His scent on the material was impossible to miss, and it made your heart swell.

“It's a place Zen showed me a couple weeks after you went missing. It’ll just be the two of us, you don’t have to worry about anyone else being there.” Luciel placed a hand flat on the table. If it involved just him, you would feel better. It felt like you had filled your quota for human interaction for today, and you just needed to relax.

“Sure.”


	12. Chapter 12

Luciel was pissed to say the very least. He had been keeping an eye on them since you asked what you had done wrong, and though it took a moment for him to pick up on what you were referring to, he understood fairly quickly. He was thankful you weren’t facing them, as the mother kept glancing over at you with dirty looks and whispering to her son. He didn’t want you to feel like you didn’t belong; you had every right to be here, and the woman was acting like you were a criminal.

“Do you remember where the car is?” Luciel asked you. You nodded and got off of the chair, as did he.

“Let’s go.” You flicked your head toward the door, but Luciel stayed put and placed his hands in his pockets.

“Um…” He saw the woman look at you yet again behind your back, and he tried to hide his annoyance for your sake. “Here,” He took the car keys out of his pocket and handed them to you. “I need to run to the restroom, you can go wait out in the car.”

“Okay.” You cautiously began to walk toward the door, and when you had left the shop and disappeared in the direction of his car, Luciel huffed and turned toward the woman.

“Did she do anything to you?” He tried to keep about as calm as he could. She glared at him and hugged her son close to her.

“What is a cultist doing in public? She could harm people.” She spoke in a scratchy voice that already began to give him a headache. He was nearly fuming, but a flash of shock struck his mind at her statement. Sure, there were news articles about the Mint Eye being taken down, and the story had been pretty famous news, but had they gone so far in-depth to specify what had happened to the victims that you were recognizable as someone who had been sucked in?

“Did she hurt you in any way?” Luciel crossed his arms and shifted his weight on his legs.

“She should be locked up in a mental institute! No sane person would join a cult like that, she even changed her eye color to show her dedication.” 

“Many of those ‘cultists’ are normal people who were kidnapped and inducted against their will. They’re not evil, they were-”

“How are they allowed to wander the streets? You don’t know what they could do, they'll snap any moment and kill innocent people!” Luciel was quickly losing his patience with this woman, and he didn’t want to make a huge scene. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

“I’d say that you’re worse than her. She did nothing except mind her own business and kept to herself. She has every right to be as much of a citizen as you. You’re not only judging her wrongfully based on nothing but your imagination, but you’re passing on your fucked up ideologies and prejudices onto your child, and I feel sorry for him being raised by such an ignorant person.” Luciel barely held back once the first few words left his mouth, and when the woman huffed and pursed her lips in anger with no response, he turned around and walked out of the ice cream parlor.

He just couldn’t stand it. If you had seen her and the way she was acting, you would have spiraled. He knew how bad you could get and he wanted to help you stop suffering from your own mind, and everything that hindered your progress made his blood boil. He felt that you were a sweet person and you deserved the world, you did nothing wrong to influence this behavior from others. He loved you, and he wouldn’t let you take any hits to your deserved happiness.


	13. Chapter 13

“I didn’t know this was a convertible!” You exclaimed. Luciel laughed under his breath as he pushed a few buttons on the center console, a few buttons that you had been scared to ask about earlier. So  _ that’s  _ what they’re for. A couple seconds later, the roof above you began to pull back automatically, and you didn’t know what to focus on: the smooth motion of an automatic convertible that you’d never seen before, the dark sky being illuminated by thousands of twinkling stars, the city lights and energy dancing in the distance, or Luciel himself, whose appearance was growing more and more intriguing to you. He hadn’t made any changes to his looks; what was it about him that you found interesting now?

“You can recline the seat if you want.” Luciel said. You fumbled with the right side of the seat and found a lever that automatically drew the seat back. You pulled it and straightened out the seat to stare up at the sky, and he did the same.

The stars shone like sugar spilled over black marble, dancing in the sky with slight twinking that you would have missed had you not focused your energy on them. You felt an overwhelming want to have the ability to fly and harmonise with the stars. The cool docile breeze washed away the scorching heat and bustle of the day, and it might have been the increasing concentration of melatonin running through your blood in response to the nighttime, but the feeling of the cold air brushing your face, the soft sound of the rustling leaves perched on trees around you, and the sight of the lights strung from the apex to the horizon, they all felt like a gentle weight calming you and melting the anxieties of the day away. You closed your eyes and basked in the feeling you wanted to last forever.

You heard Luciel shift in his seat and you felt his hand touch your shoulder, as if he was uncertain if he was allowed to make contact with you. Your eyes fluttered open and you looked at him, and when his eyes met your own, your stomach fluttered and your face felt hot despite the cold air surrounding you. You smiled and adjusted to lay on your left side, facing him. He matched your facial expression and opened his arms, offering a hug, and you graciously accepted. Maybe he was cold and wanted to warm up. Surely he didn’t feel the same way as you did toward him, right?

You rested your head on his shoulder and placed your hands on his chest, and you felt his strong, rapid heartbeat. You inhaled sharply and looked up at him, and now that you were closer to him, you could see a light pink hue resting across his cheeks.

“I want to go to space someday.” Luciel’s voice was deep and quiet, probably because he was so close to you. He looked back up at the sky, but you kept your eyes on his face. “You could abandon the cruel realities and float around without any worries. Some of the people here on earth are hypocritical, barbaric, and the beauty of space allows you to forget about them.” Luciel looked back down at you, “You understand what I mean, right?” You nodded your head. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. He pulled you closer, if that was even possible, and stared deep into your mint eyes. An owl in a distant tree cooed.

“You’re very beautiful, you know.” He brushed a lock of hair behind your ear, and you closed your eyes and covered your mouth with the sleeve of his jacket that you were still wearing to avoid crying in front of him again from the reverence you felt. You felt that you didn’t deserve this intimate attention from him after treating him the way you did before. Nonetheless, the attention didn’t stop. He continued to shower you with affection as he lightly placed his lips on your hairline, keeping them there for a moment before moving down to the center of your forehead. 

That’s when the tears fell.

The wasps behind your eyes nipped you as the salty tears began to overflow. He was treating you like a princess and you thought you deserved nothing more than to be left like a peasant. Maybe subconsciously you hadn’t shed the words you had been told before, that you were nothing more than a weed to be trampled if you let your emotions get the better of you. You let out a shattering cry, and Luciel hugged you tighter.

“I would give you everything sweet in this world if I could.” He whispered against your skin. His hot breath forced a warm sensation to flicker from your spine down to your fingertips. You shook your head frantically.

“No, no, I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. I’ve been so cruel, I’m not good enough for you.” You beat yourself down. Luciel removed his lips from your forehead and cupped your cheek.

“Please stop saying things like that about yourself.” His caring voice ran through your mind and you buried your face in his chest, ripping your face out of his palm. He ran this hand through your scalp and began playing with your hair.

“How can I not? I’m worthless. I’m nothing but weak.” You sobbed, clutching his shirt so hard that your knuckles turned paper white. He shook his head.

“You’re not, you’re loved and valued so much.”

“By _who?_ ” You shouted impulsively in desperation. 

Luciel pulled his chest away from your face and lightly grabbed your chin, lifting your face halfway up to meet his. You breathed heavily and sniffed, trying to meet his gaze. In one fluid movement that you swore didn’t feel real, he tilted your chin up, closed his eyes, and pressed his soft lips to yours. You gasped into the kiss and froze; what were you supposed to do? The tears stopped streaming down your face out of shock. His smooth mouth locked around yours casted a rush of emotions, making you feel ticklish deep inside your abdomen, and you felt light enough to float on a cloud. His taste was sweeter than you could ever imagine anything to be, and his warmth seemed to ignite a fire inside that you regret never feeling before, and never wanted to end.

He pulled away after a few seconds that felt like hours, and looked down lovingly at you through lidded eyes. You panted and swallowed roughly, trying to process what just happened.

“Me.”


	14. Chapter 14

Luciel could cry upon seeing your recovery. Though you were still terrified of new people, and still apprehensive around the members of the RFA in person, when you were just around him you acted like your old self. In the chatrooms as well, you were just as playful, you even joined in on his teasing of Yoosung.

Today was one of those days. You had woken up with unbridled energy, the source of which Luciel had no clue. He was relaxing on the couch eating honey buddha chips and scrolling through the internet, while you had been running around the living room doing miscellaneous actions toward him, such as throwing a sheet over his head, running by and stealing a chip from his bowl, and at one point you tried to place your plush bear on his head, and you yelled in triumph upon balancing it. The entire time, you were laughing, probably the most you had in months, and as much as Luciel was concerned for your health and stamina, he enjoyed seeing you joyful and didn’t want to stop you. He could step in if needed, too.

“Sneak attack!” Luciel heard right before being hit in the back of the head with a pillow. It dropped to the floor with a  _ thump _ . He heard your laughter get quieter, and by the time he had stood up to see where you had gone (so he could get payback, of course), you were out of sight. Surely you disappeared into another room, and he began stalking around to find you as quietly as he could, with the pillow in hand. He peered around the corner of every room, but he couldn’t find a single trace of you. Where…?

He knew nothing about your whereabouts, until he felt your weight crash on his back, and he had to let go of the pillow to support you and let you piggyback. You hugged his head and giggled in his ear, panting heavily from the running. 

“Onward, trusty steed!” You pointed a finger in front of Luciel in no direction in particular, but instead of running around with you on his back, he walked to the couch and threw you off of his back, provoking a loud shriek from you.

“Mean!” You stood back up and tried to jab at his sides to tickle him, but he clasped his hands around yours and shot you a smug grin. You simply resorted to sticking your tongue out at him and trying to maneuver around and find a way to attack without your hands, and both of you were laughing the whole time you struggled.

At least you were happy and energetic for now, for that might change later when you both went to meet everyone in the RFA later. He hoped with every fiber of his being that your bubbly self would remain and expose itself to them, but he knew deep down that it would take time.

But he was willing to stand with you every step of the way.


End file.
